My left foot is wet and cold – oh yeah, it's Sunday

Hello all – yesterday my family and I, along with some friends went to Santa's Village in Jefferson NH. It is an amusement park with a Christmas theme, for those of you that have not figured that out yet.

Anyway, we were fortunate enough to have free passes as our friends did as well. So, with the exception of gas, snacks and few trinkets at the park here and there, it was not an expensive trip. My Scottish heritage wouldn't allow me to spend all of that much most of the time anyway.

So, being December and just on the tail of a few snowstorms and then a thaw ( was about 40 -some degrees yesterday) so snow , ice , water and slush all over the park. The kids were smarter than I as they had winter boots on. I had on my half-boot things – look like shoes but waterproof like boots – Duck Boots – leftover cheesy fashion from the 1980's. Needless to say, these things have seen better days so the left one tends to leak after a while. If you have ever had to walk around with a wet foot in the cold and damp, you know how uncomfortable this can be. Serves me right, actually.

So, the story goes – the park was not overly busy, but there were a 'few' people there. Lots of kids, of course. Average age of people in the park was probably in the middle 20's, since most parents were 40 somethings and the kids were mostly 10 and under....

...well...

I was waiting in a very, stressing the word VERY short line to get my kids and I onto the bumper cars. There was a railing separating the line from the outside of the ride. I noticed this woman standing against the half-wall, watching the kids , most likely hers , driving a bumper car. I noticed two things about her: she was tall and very thin, and dressed like she was about 38 going on 'college-student'. She had this look of a sort of 'fuck-you-and-the-horse-you-rode-in-on-and-everyone-that-knows-you' on her face. Not a bad looking girl but just misery written all over her face. Jordan and I were waiting patiently and the ride just ended. She walked past us (she was standing there when we got there, so I assumed that she was waiting to get on the ride) and her daughter came out of the ride and began walking down along the outside of the railing to go and get in line again. This woman reached over the rail and grabbed her arm, the daughter stopped in the puddle and dripping snow-melt . She casually said to her pre-teen daughter “...hey, climb over...here...go again with your..”

I was fucking beside myself!! I could not believe it!! At the risk of sounding like a Monty Python sketch, in my day, my step-monster would have cold-cocked me upside the head, made me climb back over the fence and then apologize to everyone in the fucking park for my rude behavior. Holy Shiite, Batman!

Now, my kids are far from perfect but manners are the most important thing I think any parent should teach their kid. So, now , that girl is going to think that it is okay to cut in front of someone at the mall, movie lineup, school, or where ever. When she is older and driving a car, she will think it is okay to scoop a parking spot from someone at the mall during a really busy time. This could very well cause road rage, or even in extreme cases for someone that is fucking crazy enough and angry enough to pull a gat on her and give her a third eye-socket between the two that she was born with. Then we have an even bigger problem. Murder, weapons charge, cleanup of brain tissue and skull bits, not to mention the funeral that her family has to attend. All because her mom was too Goddamn selfish to have her wait in line for 5 or 10 minutes.

People, I may sound like John F Kennedy or Martin Luther King Jr, but we are on this little globe with the other 3 some billion folks that are sharing it with us. My dad used to have this little saying that I think is from Aesop or Kipling:

“Do unto others as you would wish them to do unto you.”

Peace

"...Mr Millard, please report to the Principal's office...Mr Millard..."

Yeah - how many times do you think I heard that when I was in school? I think in my schools, they had it pre-recorded and just kept it jacked-in to the school P.A. system.

Well, this time it wasn't me. I was at my kids' school last week for parent/teacher conferences. I have been out of work for about a week at the time, so I have my gmail account forwarded to my mobile. When I get an email, I can somewhat read it and see if I need to call. Can't reply as T-Mobile's crack network for some stupid reason, will not allow me to POP my gmail (more than likely, it is me - I think if I researched it I could figure it out). One of my negative traits - lazy.

Anyway, this isn't about email or mobile applications or even schools. It just happened to occur when I was at the school.

My phone buzzed, and I glanced over at it. There was an email message from a friend of mine. A gal that I have known since high school. It was titled "I love you guys!!". I thought nothing of it at first.

Cathy and I had just finished up with one of my son's teachers. I said "...gotta use the....back in a centon.." Off I went. I grabbed my phone and read the email. It's content was curious. It was all about very sad things. Thinks like '..I can't live this way..' and '..not without my kids..'. I thought it was curious. Just then a second email came in from her husband saying that he was rushing home.

Suicide note? Well...

About a hour or two later, I got a message from a good friend of hers telling me not to panic and that she was fine and to give ( the friend) a call.

I called her and I my suspicions were correct. She told me that our friend was very upset about a series of recent events involving her husband and another woman. This goes so much deeper than this note, but it boiled down to her feeling worthless and without purpose. Degraded even. So, it was a cry for help and/or attention.

Now, I don't condone what she did or even agree. However, I do know what it feels like to feel like no one loves you or cares for you. I know what it feels like to feel worthless. I don't get suicidal, I get self-destructive. When you do these things your whole life, you tend to get into a "mode" . You default back to that. The last time I felt this way, I opened my mouth and said "...Cathy, I feel shitty. I feel like I need to bitch, piss and moan. I want you to listen..." She did, and since then, she has not allowed me to feel worthless. I have not had a chance to feel worthless. She and the kids have been keeping me on my toes. I don't know if it is her plan but it is working.

So, my friend , you know who you are. We all have phones and email and IMs. I know you do not have support at home at this point, but you have a friend close by and you have me. I live hundreds of miles from you, so I know it is not the same. However, I do know what it is like to feel like you have no self worth.

So, next time you feel like you want to off yourself, don't! Think of the 'Butterfly Effect' - what things will change if you are no longer here.

Peace - Glen

"...holy shit...my toe hurts..."

Well, ingrown toenails hurt like a sum-bitch. Just ask my wife Cathy. For about a month now, she has been nursing this thing for about a month now. I guess the best way to deal with pain in think about a happy-place (note photo - cottage we stayed at in Jacksonville Beach FL). I have had a few minor ingrowns in my life, but not like hers..

I don't really want to talk about ingrown toenails. I want to talk about a friend. I don't want to mention names, but she did a really, REALLY fucking stupid thing about a week ago. She got totally shit-face, got in her car with her 6 year old son and tried to drive home. Dumb-ass. That's right. She nearly (yes nearly) killed herself and her son. We know who you are. We love you. We feel terrible for you. You are one of the most un-selfish people that I know. I would never hesitate to aid you in any way. I care for you. I hope I will know you for many years to come. However, what you did was a really stupid thing. If you do it again, I will have to seriously re-evaluate my friendship with you.

She is lying in a hospital bed as I type this. She has had blood transfusions, surgery on her leg ( the femur was broken in 20+ places - now she has a titanium 'bone') her ankles were both broken, her jaw was smashed so she had to get sewn up. She had a nasty bump on the head , which resulted in a brain bleed. I personally think this girl is lucky to be alive. Her son was in a kid car seat so he had just bumps and bruises. I can see that her husband is devastated by this. He is a very quiet guy, but I can see the pain and hurt in his face. His sister (husband's) is deeply hurt too. I can clearly see she is in immense pain. The gal in the hospital bed, her physical pain is probably overwhelming at this point, but the emotional pain of what she feels will probably never go away. Why did she do this? I don't know. I can't get into her head. I know she hurts and I know she has been in turmoil for quite some time. Maybe this is a huge cry for help. I don't know. My expertise is in artificial intelligence, not the kind that Mother Nature created.

So, my heart goes out to her. I feel for her. I cry for her. I pity her. I sympathise for her.

However, this is a huge purple elephant that no one should ignore.

Please - get help. You may not be so lucky next time.

Peace


Glen M

"ULTIMATE THRICE CREAM!! ULTIMATE THRICE CREAM!!!!

Monday night, Jordan , Cathy, Mikalya and I were watching 'Chowder'. It is a brilliant kids show (on Cartoon Network here in the US). It is about a young lad ( looks like a beaver-cat-bear hybrid - see graphic ) called Chowder, who loves food and wants to be a chef. His mentor, named Mung Daal in this episode takes him to the 'Apprentice Games' - tricking him into it.

When Chowder discovers that Mung Daal has tricked him , he flips out and tries to run. Then Mung Daal bribes him with his favourite food - Thrice Cream ( all the food items in this show are made up, however , all the characters have food items for names - figure that out!)

Anyway, once Chowder sees this, he runs all over the place screaming "ULTIMATE THRICE CREAM!! ULTIMATE THRICE CREAM!!!"

Yesterday , (Tuesday) I had my lunch at work like I normally do. It was some meat and cheese ends ( you know the stuff that is left over at the deli and they sell it for a discount?)

I made my sandwiches , some cheese, Gulden's Mustard and some turkey. It was good...

About 15 some minutes later, I was sitting at my desk. I turned my head suddenly and I felt dizzy - extremely dizzy. Wow....

Within another 5 minutes, the dizziness was so bad that I couldn't even sit up in my chair. I started to feel really , REALLY nauseous. Holy shit...what was happening?? Medication? Anxiety??

I got up off of my chair and staggered to the bathroom, hoping and praying (yes, me, praying!) that there was an empty stall. Oh yes! In I went. I sat down, feeling more and more worse by the second. Sweat was pouring off of my face and down my back ....what the hell was wrong with me?? Ullp!!! I stood up, and out it came - puke, barf, emesis, spew, vomit, hurl, whatever you want to call it. Then it hit me....

FUCKING BAD TURKEY!! FOOD POSIONING!! Holy SHITE!!!!

So, goes the saga - barf, dizzy, barf , dizzy, barf , dizzy - staggered to my car and started it. Cranked the A/C on. Holy shit....don't panic - you are going to puke this all out. If it was really severe you wouldn't have been able to walk to the car. Relax. Just drive yourself home.

Luckily I grabbed some water on the way out - sipped that as I drove. I finally worked up enough courage to call Cathy. By that time, I pulled over right near the Massachusetts / New Hampshire border.

"Oh !! SHIT!!! HANG ON!!" , I told her - threw my phone down on the passenger seat and quickly opened the door - it begins , and continues, and continues....you get the idea.

Anyway, going through my head, once I figured out what the hell was wrong with me, was 'Chowder' screaming "ULTIMATE THRICE CREAM!! ULTIMATE THRICE CREAM!!!" - maybe a coping skill of mine. Strange – ever since I was a kid, when I was stressed , I would repeat something over and over. Jordan does that and he is autistic – I guess now we really know , right??

So, a lesson to be learned here. Cathy is ALWAYS telling me to check the dates on things. My Scottish heritage takes over and "...maybe I can chance it...I can't waste this ....it cost me...." I think it may be time for me to take a second look at my priorities.

Needless to say, I threw the cheese and turkey away today when I got to work.

Peace all - one more step to vegetarianism I think.

Autism Awarness Month

Hello All;

My wife wrote this letter to send out to family and friends - thought I would share it with you.
(don't worry, we aren't trying to sling anything - just using the power of the underground to raise awareness)

Peace




Hello everyone!

Here we are again. It's April which is Autism Awareness Month. I try to send out an email every year to help raise awareness and to update everyone on Jordan's progress. I hope this email finds you all happy and healthy! :o)

Jordan is close to the end of fourth grade and is doing very well! As most of you know, he is in a typical school, in a typical classroom with typical peers. He does have a one-to-one aide and has a modified curriculum but I'm happy to report that he received excellent grades, mostly A's and B's and nothing lower than a C+! The most exciting grade for us was the A he received in social skills! This is an area that is most difficult for a person with autism! He will tell you that he likes going to school and spending time with his friends. There are a great group of kids in Jordan's class this year and they really take an interest in him and work hard to include him in whatever they are doing. They cheer him on and assist him whenever he needs it. It's really very heartwarming to see!

Jordan is also making great strides in several areas such as eye contact, two-way conversation, and overcoming his anxiety more quickly in public situations. He has been to three concerts in the last year, gone to see the Lipizzaner Stallions, had a ride on an elephant and another on a camel. He went on a field trip last month with his class to Old Sturbridge Village which required a LONG bus ride and he did great with it (By the way, I didn't go on this one!! BIG step for me!) He also did a water skills field trip at the YMCA and loved it! Oh, and one more thing...he did his first oral presentation in school this year! How incredible is that for a child with autism?

As you can see, Jordan is making great strides and we will continue to do whatever we can to encourage that. He has expressed an interest in horseback riding as well as learning to play the guitar. He also enjoys being out on the soccer field where Mikayla plays and kicking the ball around. Speaking of Mikayla, Jordan also shows some typical big brother behavior when he torments his little sister but, he is still her hero!

Below are some facts about autism and a couple of links to find out more information. Thank you all for reading and please watch for another email that I will be sending out. It is one I have sent in previous years but I think it's an excellent story which really gets the point across of what it's like to live with autism and deserves to be repeated.

Thank you again and I hope you all have a wonderful summer!!

Be well,
Cathy, Glen, Jordan & Mikayla



Did you know…

* 1 in 150 children is diagnosed with autism
* 1 in 94 boys is on the autism spectrum
* 67 children are diagnosed per day
* A new case is diagnosed almost every 20 minutes
* More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes & cancer combined
* Autism is the fastest-growing serious developmental disability in the U.S.
* Autism costs the nation over $90 billion per year, a figure expected to double in the next decade
* Autism receives less than 5% of the research funding of many less prevalent childhood diseases
* Boys are four times more likely than girls to have autism
* There is no medical detection or cure for autism


Autism is a complex developmental disability that typically appears during the first three years of life. The result of a neurological disorder that affects the functioning of the brain, autism and its associated behaviors have been estimated to occur in as many as 1 in 150 individuals.

Autism is four times more prevalent in boys than girls and knows no racial, ethnic, or social boundaries. Family income, lifestyle, and educational levels do not affect the chance of autism's occurrence.

People with autism may have difficulties with social interaction and communication, as well as sensitivities in the areas of sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste. They also may show repeated body movements such as rocking or spinning, poor eye contact, and resistance to changes in routines.




LINKS TO AUTISM INFORMATION

http://www.autism-society.org

http://www.autism-society-nh.org/

http://autismspeaks.org

http://www.nationalautismassociation.org

http://www.unlockingautism.org

http://www.icare4autism.org/

Crisis? What Crisis?

Crisis? What Crisis? -

..also the title of a Supertramp album from 1975 - has a picture of a guy on the cover relaxing in the sun , with a big parasol blocking the sun from him. In the background there is a landscape of factories and refineries spewing toxic clouds of smoke into the air.


This is why I am writing this letter - the health care companies are the guy under the parasol and the general public lives amongst all of the factories and refineries.

So, how so you ask? Well, it is like this.

In the USA, it is almost a necessity to have health insurance. Well, it is a necessity if you need regular care. That would make up about 100% of the population. Especially if you have kids, or you are elderly. For my mother in law , who is 76 and a 4 time cancer survivor , it is either that she pays her premiums or she dies. Plain and simple. For my son and I , we pay the premiums (well, I do ), or I get fired (AGAIN!) and he cannot function. We both need medication just to function. He is mildly autistic , and had some ADHD so we treat him for that. I am probably autistic as well ( never been OFFICIALLY) tested and I do have a severe case of adult ADHD. It makes me cranky, short fused, lose patience easily, foul-mouthed and edgy. I take medicine, and I can control it MOST of the time. ( my wife may say otherwise).

So, what is the crisis you ask? Well, why do my health insurance premiums keep increasing, and my my coverage stay the same or actually decrease? See below:

NB: the below information is taken from http://www.nasdaq.com - 10 minutes of research and a little knowledge of finance, and voila! Look how much money they make! (oh the 'm' stands for millions , by the way!)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Aetna

Totals 2007 2006 2005
Revenue $27,599(m) $25,145(m) $22,491(m)
EPS 3.47 2.99 2.7
Dividends 0.08 0.08 0.04

Net Income Applicable to
Common Shareholders
2007 2006 2005
$1,831,000,000 $1,701,700,000 $1,634,500,000

Cigna

Totals 2007 2006 2005
Revenue $17,623(m) $16,547(m) $16,684(m)
EPS 3.87 3.427 4.173
Dividends 0.038 0.033 0.033

Net Income Applicable to
Common Shareholders
2007 2006 2005
$1,115,000,000 $1,155,000,000 $1,625,000,000



EPS serves as an indicator of a company's profitability.

A distribution of a portion of a company's earnings, decided by the board of directors,
to a class of its shareholders.
The dividend is most often quoted in terms of the dollar amount each share receives (dividends per share).
It can also be quoted in terms of a percent of the current market price, referred to as dividend yield.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Okay, so if you look carefully, Cigna ( big health care company) has decreased in income and Aetna has increased. I wanted to see a profit and loss statement ( basically shows how much profit a company has) but , hey, I couldn't get one. (Not available from this site - please contact company directly.) Gee. I would have had to go directly to the company for one. So, I can't expose their evil so easily ....

Some incomplete data here. Sorry!

However, if you look at the numbers, you can see that the company is generating a shit-load of capital. Cinga in 2007 $1.115 BILLION!! . Aetna in 2007 $1.831 BILLION!! Not bad for a company that's only real expense is paying doctors and hospitals.

So, we keep hearing on the news that there is a "..health care crisis in the USA..." Really? Maybe for you and I , since we have to dig a little deeper but not for the Cignas and Aetnas. So, wouldn't you think that if you pay more for something that you will get a better product? I would think so.

I guess we just have to think about all those poor, poor CIOs, CTOs, CFOs, and CEOs that only got a $1.5 million bonus last Christmas instead of the $2.0 million one that they got the previous year. Think about that next time you pick up your prescription at Walmart and your co-pay is now $10 instead of $5 for generic drugs. Just consider yourself lucky.

Peace

Autism and The Modern Day Routine

Hello All;

I wanted to talk a little about my son , Jordan:

Jordan was born on January 7, 1998 with some autistic tendencies. He is very high functioning but has trouble with decision making, some social skills and 'getting the point across'. Jordan is also 'mainstreamed' into the public school system with a full-time aide. He has many friends which meet him every morning when I drop him at school - girls and boys alike. All of them tell me about things that he does, and they all seem to adore him. So, enough of the like...onto my point:

A few weeks ago , his special ed teacher called me and wanted to know if he was going on the class field trip to Old Sturbridge Village (http://www.osv.org) . She wanted to know how he would do on a 1.5 hour bus ride. I told her that he loves to ride in the car as long as there is something to do.

I was all for it - my wife, was panicked. She was concerned that a child molester would attack him in the bathroom , so we were going to go. This would mean uprooting all of us and following the bus to Sturbridge MA. I want my son to learn some independence but I still baby him a little. I guess since I struggled so much as a kid, I tend to cushion him all the time. He wound up going with his class, like a typical kid, and he loved it!

Today he went to the 'Y' with his class for activity swimming - again we were concerned that Jordan would wander into danger. Not a chance! He loved being there with his friends and they all had a ball with him.

Oh, my wife just sent me an SMS message the he was the top earner for the school's Read-A-Thon ! Cool - he collected $300.00 (of course, we asked for him but he still did all the reading!)

So, now I am getting all verklempt! Talk amongst yourselves. "The radical reconstruction of the South after the Civil War was neither radical nor a reconstruction. Discuss."

Okay - I'm better now...so, I guess I need to stop treating Jordan like a baby and like a 10 year old boy. I think I finally realise that.

Peace.

Glen

The Duality Of Wal-Mart

I would like to open my story with a quote from Stanley Kubrick's 'Full Metal Jacket'

COLONEL: Marine, what is that button on your body armor?
JOKER: A peace symbol, sir.
COLONEL: Where'd you get it?
JOKER:I don't remember, sir.
COLONEL:What is that you've got written on your helmet?
JOKER: "Born to Kill," sir.
COLONEL:You write "Born to Kill" on your helmet and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?!
JOKER: No, sir.
COLONEL:You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant shit on you!
JOKER:Yes, sir.
COLONEL: Now answer my question or you'll be standing tall before the man.
JOKER:I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.
COLONEL:The what?
JOKER:The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.

The 'duality of man' - that is why I wanted to talk about every one's favourite company to love and hate - Wal Mart Corporation.

Well, I know that they are portrayed as a big evil corporate giant. Hell, a guy named Robert Greenwald even made a film about how nasty they are - 'High Cost Of The Low Price' - I saw it, it made them look like Satan and his Glitterati of demons. I am not going to make all kinds of quotes about Wal Mart and how nasty and evil they are, as I myself shop there. ( ducking the eggs!)

However, they do have human beings , even caring ones that are part of the management team - I have proof:

My son's school Principal and I had an idea about starting an after school program - of course, you had to know it: money was involved. Not a huge amount, we wanted to buy a couple of Lego Mindstorms kits.

( for those of you that do not know, this is a robotics development kit that Lego sells - really slick).

So, as the story goes, these things retail for $249.00 apiece - he and I convinced the PTG to buy one if the school budget would jag in for the other.

I had another bright idea - I would go out to the community and see if I could drum up some funds to offset these.

The first company I approached was Wal Mart - I see their ads all the time for "..we give back to the community.." and "..we care about..." . Being the huge cynic that I am , I figured that it would get me nowhere , but I thought, it is only going to cost me a few minutes on the phone , pretending to like the person that I am talking to.

So, I called the local Wal Mart here in Manchester NH - I got a nice gal by the name of Veronica on the phone. I started giving her my pitch about how I was looking for money from the community , yada, yada, yada..

Well, much to my surprise, Wal Mart , at the store level can give out up to $75.00 for things like this, at the discretion of the manager. Hey, all I had to do was draft a letter on my son's school's letter head and get it over to this nice woman. Easy enough.

In about 7 or 8 days, my phone rang and it was Veronica from Wal Mart calling me back - "...hello, Glen, I have a $50.00 Wal Mart gift card here for you - you can pick it up, just bring some ID.."

Shyeah!!

Needless to say, I bought the Mindstorms kits from Wal Mart using their site-to-store service. Cost my son's school $50.00 less :)

I guess people and/or corporations aren't pure evil. This is the sort of stuff that you never see on the evening news.

Peace everyone.

Glen