Yeah - how many times do you think I heard that when I was in school? I think in my schools, they had it pre-recorded and just kept it jacked-in to the school P.A. system.
Well, this time it wasn't me. I was at my kids' school last week for parent/teacher conferences. I have been out of work for about a week at the time, so I have my gmail account forwarded to my mobile. When I get an email, I can somewhat read it and see if I need to call. Can't reply as T-Mobile's crack network for some stupid reason, will not allow me to POP my gmail (more than likely, it is me - I think if I researched it I could figure it out). One of my negative traits - lazy.
Anyway, this isn't about email or mobile applications or even schools. It just happened to occur when I was at the school.
My phone buzzed, and I glanced over at it. There was an email message from a friend of mine. A gal that I have known since high school. It was titled "I love you guys!!". I thought nothing of it at first.
Cathy and I had just finished up with one of my son's teachers. I said "...gotta use the....back in a centon.." Off I went. I grabbed my phone and read the email. It's content was curious. It was all about very sad things. Thinks like '..I can't live this way..' and '..not without my kids..'. I thought it was curious. Just then a second email came in from her husband saying that he was rushing home.
Suicide note? Well...
About a hour or two later, I got a message from a good friend of hers telling me not to panic and that she was fine and to give ( the friend) a call.
I called her and I my suspicions were correct. She told me that our friend was very upset about a series of recent events involving her husband and another woman. This goes so much deeper than this note, but it boiled down to her feeling worthless and without purpose. Degraded even. So, it was a cry for help and/or attention.
Now, I don't condone what she did or even agree. However, I do know what it feels like to feel like no one loves you or cares for you. I know what it feels like to feel worthless. I don't get suicidal, I get self-destructive. When you do these things your whole life, you tend to get into a "mode" . You default back to that. The last time I felt this way, I opened my mouth and said "...Cathy, I feel shitty. I feel like I need to bitch, piss and moan. I want you to listen..." She did, and since then, she has not allowed me to feel worthless. I have not had a chance to feel worthless. She and the kids have been keeping me on my toes. I don't know if it is her plan but it is working.
So, my friend , you know who you are. We all have phones and email and IMs. I know you do not have support at home at this point, but you have a friend close by and you have me. I live hundreds of miles from you, so I know it is not the same. However, I do know what it is like to feel like you have no self worth.
So, next time you feel like you want to off yourself, don't! Think of the 'Butterfly Effect' - what things will change if you are no longer here.
Peace - Glen
No comments:
Post a Comment