For those of you that know me, it is no secret that I am on my second (and last!) marriage. I was married to my college sweetheart and it is not secret that we got along "..like a house on fire.." to quote a New Order song. We were married in 1988 ( I was 22 and she was 21 - we were kids - way too young in hindsight) . We lasted until early 1996 - then we called it quits. It was either go our separate ways, become drug addicts/alcoholics or one of us would have wound up in jail for murder. We called it quits. No one is in jail.
In the months to follow, there was emotions of all sorts - hate, agony, relief, sadness, happiness, bliss, anger, depression ( am I forgetting any?) . Our divorce was finalized in 1997 and my ex has custody of our now 15 year old daughter. I personally would have not had it any other way. I was not in a position to raise a daughter. It would have been more detrimental than positive. I am kind of sad that I did not get to watch her grow up, but what was the alternative? I was seriously screwed up, suffering from all sorts of happy undiagnosed shit. If it were not for Cathy, I would still be walking around leaving a trail of destruction wherever I chose to tread. Good for business as far as the pharmaceutical/counseling field is concerned. I guess we are approaching Bradburian Bliss as I type this (hence the book 'Fahrenheit 451 - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fahrenheit_451 or George Lucas' Thx 1138 - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/THX_1138) .
Anyway, on to my point..
I know when my ex and I were splitting, every son of a bitch that I knew became what my Dad referred to as a 'Lower Deck Lawyer' -( a Navy term - best way to explain it is that most guys on the ship lived below the main decks - hence Lower-Deck - get it?). I got the "..you need to do .." and "....she can't do that..." and "...you deserve...". It got old, very, VERY quickly. So, I just finally turned inward. I did not slag her openly. I did not speak ill of her to friends. I did not speak ill of her to family. When people slag their exes or soon-to-be-exes, I think that it isn't really fair. They were in the relationship too. Like the saying goes: '..it takes two to Tango..' . So, if people want to vent to me about their exes or soon-to-bes, feel free. Get it done. Get it finished. Get them out of your life. Do it. Done. Goodbye. That is it. Don't Flog the Dead Horse.
We were parting ways - that was it.
I believe that there was more to both of us than met the eye. Her life is her own business now. I have not been the best Dad to my daughter, and she knows it. I have this habit of turning inward when I was sad. I am sure that she ( my ex) is happier now. My only real regret is that I should have kept in my daughter's life much, MUCH more than I did. I am hoping that she allows me back into her life. The distance is not a factor as much anymore as I have free long-distance to Canada and the internet is always on.
So, if you are splitting up with your spouse/partner/significant other, is it really wise to turn it into Operation D-Day or Peal Harbor? Of course we all love gossip, but there is a limit. When you are married, you are USUALLY an adult. When you get divorced, you are still an adult. Let's all act like one.
Peace
No comments:
Post a Comment