The Endless Circle - Great Expectations

Most of us probably know of a novel written by an author (perhaps you have heard of him?) - a man by the name of Charles Dickens. The first edition of this novel is from about 1861, back when the USA was a young country and Canada was just about to become a country.

It's a story about a young man, named Pip, who finds out his benefactor is a convict. He thought it was a Lady, but he learns things are not what they appear to be.

That was almost 200 years ago - I think that I got from this story a strong message. Expectations are seldom, if never, what you want them to be. Unless you are in a position of power, high authority or a tyrannical leader, it's not gonna happen.

Expectations. Expectations.

Merriam Webster online defines it as follows:

: a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen

: a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be

Let  me back up the clock, to about 30 years ago.

 When I was a young guy, still living at home, my Dad was always a positive cynic. What the fuck do you mean by that? Well, he was the guy who would sit in front of the TV and mock the commercials, saying things like "..oh yeah, I'm gonna run right out and buy Calgon - it will make my bathtub a fuckin' oasis..." or he would be watching the news, and they would be interviewing some politician or CEO who got caught stealing or hobby-horsing some underage kid and he would be all in tears and remorseful for the camera. My Dad would look at the TV, then look at me and say "...fucking phony prick...the only Goddamn thing you are sorry for is getting caught with your dong stuck in something that it shouldn't have been stuck in..."

However, he was also the kind of guy that if I had a really bad day at school or my baseball team lost, he would put his hand on my shoulder and say "...well, tomorrow is another day, right? Don't let it get you down. It's not the end of the world..."

See how much of a paradox that was?

I think it's affected me as an adult in a few ways.

1. Cynical - I have this Bullshit Detector that is running all the time, 24x7x365 - I always thing that someone has an angle. If someone is giving me the "..oh, I care about you and your's..." speech, I am always ready to say "..okay...what are you trying to sell me and what's it gonna cost...?"

2. High Expectations - I wake up in the morning, every day and the first thing that is in my head is "...today is going to be better than yesterday....I'm going to get so much accomplished...." Then, when that doesn't happen, I get angry. I get upset. I'm disappointed. Ugh.

See the pattern? I think I set myself up for failure. I want to be positive and I want to be productive, but when I hit a roadblock, I get frustrated. My first reaction is to throw my arms up and say "..fuck it....I'm not even gonna bother...". Then I get mad. Then I start thinking about how much I hate this or hate that. Then I get mean. Then I want to lash out. Then I do lash out. Then I sit and sulk. Then my anger subsides but it's too late. I've brought someone else down. I've become a person that I hate. A toxic person.

However, I still start all over again the next day.

Holy fuck - stop this shit.....FUCKING STOP!!!

No wonder I'm:

1. fat
2. have hypertension
3. have a cluttered and messy house
4. can't get out of my own way
5. feel like I'm about to pop a Jesus vein all the time.

I'm sure that I'm stressed out. Depressed, anxious, tired, frustrated.

I also think that 90% of it is my own fault.

So, how do I become not fat, not depressed, and get out of my own way? One of two ways - I can either :

a. work to strive for excellence so that my life is better, make more money, sell more shit, write more code, suck up to people of money and power, stomp on those in my way, run over all the roadblocks..

OR

b. Lower my expectations of achievements, people and things .

So, If I lower my expectations, think that I'm going to fuck everything up, not get anything done, stay fat, have to keep taking BP medicine, keep taking my happy pills, accept the fact that I am going to live, work and die in misery, then things will be okay. Right?

For the last several weeks, I've tried a social experiment. I have eliminated some false expectations from my life. I get out of bed, and say to myself "...maybe things won't go my way, perhaps I'll just have to expect things to be different..." or say to my wife "..okay...let's set some expectations here...no assuming...what's going to happen? What time are we.....? Who are we...? ....". I have to say, for the most part, it's worked. However, when I slip back into my old ways of expecting things to go my way, I become a prick when it doesn't work out. If I want someone to help me with the dishes, ask. If I want someone to cook food, so that I don't have to , ask. If I want the house picked up, either do it myself or ask. Expecting things to happen seldom works. In reality, you can't come home and expect that things will be quiet, stable and equal - they aren't. Unless you lobotomize everyone in your house and hire a maid to do everything, it's not gonna happen.

I think that I will expect that things may not go my way and expect that I'm going to be frustrated. Or, better yet - get off my fat arse and make things better for myself.

Just a thought...

Peace.

Society is Broken - and I cannot fix it.

I have been called negative, cynical, a downer, a crybaby, a girly-man, and a male version of a bitch. I agree with all of those adjectives - every one.

However, for every story, there is a back-story. No one is born crazy, rude, miserable, psychotic, or fucked up. We BECOME this way. Is it nature or nurture? I don't know.

Some infamous criminals:

1. Jeffery Dhamer - number one all fucked-up as far as I am concerned. He preyed on young men and cannibalized them because he never wanted to part with them. His justification was that he wanted to keep them forever. His roots were common - alcoholic and abusive parents, broken home, did time in the military. How many people do you know like that (I am holding up my hand)
2. Clifford Olson - brutally assaulted his victims and sent the audio recordings to the family. Seems like he was just a bad-ass growing up. Not really family problems, just regular stuff. Petty crime, then more serious crimes, then brutal murders.
3. David Russell Williams - liked girls undies but somehow turned to killing

Maybe these are a little extreme. What I want to vent about is not killers or rapists, it is about the general populous. The neighbour, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. People. I guess perhaps I set my standards too high or maybe I just expect more. I know I am not perfect, and I have my days where I could easily fall into the category of 'fucking asshole' or 'dickhead' - however, I try my best to practice the "..do unto others..." philosophy.

So, why are we so angry? Well, I have a theory:

I'm driving on the highway, I find my exit and I try to move over. However, the Tony Stewart Wannabe cuts me off, or speeds up so that I almost miss my exit. I get frustrated. I have a shitty-on. I get off the highway, go to turn and someone is trying to enter from an intersection. I see them and think "..screw you...wait..." They try to get in but I won't let them and I lean on my horn. Now, they are angry - the cycle continues.

After this happens to you enough times, you become cynical and hardened. You expect it. You stop using your manners and continue to get angry. Then, you arrive at your destination and you are still angry. It's a doctor's office. You are on time for your appointment, but they are 'running late' - you get more angry and you take it out on the poor minimum wage gal behind the counter. She is now angry. Her kid calls her with a simple request, and she bites their head off. Now the kid is angry. The kid posts an angry comment on Facebook or Twitter, and the kid that they post it about gets angry....you see how things manifest?

So, how about if we all slow down and just chill. Ignore the fucker that cuts you off. Stop getting angry over shit you have no control of. Most importantly - lower your expectations. That way, when something good happens, you are pleasantly surprised!

Peace. 

Have you heard? Have you heard that the ‘Bird Is The Word’.

Send you a love letter...know what a love letter is....?

Let me talk a little about  the shooting in Connecticut yesterday. I must confess that I did not read the whole story, as I have enough things in my life that make me stressed out, sad, depressed and angry. So, I am not going to read it. However, I wanted to put in my 2 cents worth about guns, the Second Amendment and the whole "right to bear arms" thingy.

All the stuff going around the social networking sites, the news stories, the emails. Yes, it is a horrible thing. A tragic thing and I cannot imagine the horrors and pain that some folks are experiencing as I write this.

In the recent past, there was the Batman Movie shootings, Virginia Tech and of course Columbine. I am not one of those zealots that support guns or even own one anymore. We do have one, but it is an heirloom. That is why we keep it and as far as I know, it has never been fired. So, I wanted to comment on violence in general and what leads up to it.

I am not a psychologist or even pretend to be an expert on human behavior, but I think people are missing a really big and really valid point. Yes, guns kill people, and people kill people too, as do car crashes as do heart attacks and so does cancer. Lots of things kill people, some preventable, some not.

I am going to step back for a moment - and look at this from a common sense point of view.

Scenario - a baby is born, and mom takes him/her home from the hospital. That kid can go in several directions. He/she can grow up to be a law-biding respectable member of society or he/she can grow up, be in and out of jail, become addicted to drugs/booze and perhaps resort to criminal activity to support the habit. Or, he/she could grow up to be a violent, crazy, uncontrollable manic. Perhaps he/she will grow up to be a priest or a nun. Perhaps a scientist that cures AIDS. Perhaps a wife/husband abuser that eventually kills their partner. We can never, ever know. To quote William Shakespeare "...look ye into the seeds of time...tell me which will grow and which will not...then speak unto me...".

However, the bad things have a chance of being prevented. It is easier than we might think. I should actually be charging for this information, it is so golden. Ready for it...okay here goes:

Mom, Dad.....spend time with your kid. Talk to them. See what is going on in their lives. Look at their Facebook and other accounts. Watch their behaviors. Discipline them when they fuck up. Praise them when they do well. This way, they will develop a sense of morality, a conscience and realize that aggression is not the way to solve things. I am willing to bet that all of the incidents that I mentioned above, there was some deep trauma, neglect or abuse of the antagonist(s). Something, somewhere along the way, made them snap. Think 'Boomtown Rats - I Don't Like Mondays' . It is like a snowball effect. Frustration, anger, aggression, violence and  then it just gets worse.

So, don't start slagging the Americans because they have a Constitution, don't start slagging because of the separation of Church and State, don't say that gun control is needed. It's not. What is needed is for parents to get off their ass, teach their children the 'right way', so they don't grow up thinking it is okay to be disrespectful, aggressive and even violent. Stop blaming the wrong people and use your brain.

That's all - Glen

"de de ding, ding, ding ding, ding-ding-diiiiinggg"

Imagine the dueling banjos from 'Deliverance'.

Well, off to a concert tonight. Those of you that have families will understand that sometimes you gotta do stuff to make them happy.

A motivational speaker that I saw years ago, taught me 'The Dry Turkey Concept'.

He told of a colleague of his that used to hate going to his in-laws for Thanksgiving because the turkey was always dry, her father-in-law was a Neo-Nazi Stromm Thurmann type Ultra-Conservative and he was tired of hearing racial slurs all night like "N" word and "Beaner" and other nasty shit.

So, this speaker said to him - "...well, if it is important to your wife and kids, then, go, pour as much gravy on the turkey as you can and suck it up -turn the conversation to other stuff so you don't have to listen to his drivel...or, just don't go...it is that simple."

Sometimes the latter is not really a wise option. So, today, I am going to see a big country act - Brooks And Dunn - whom I am not really crazy about. However, they are in my respectable category. If Ronnie Dunn and Kicks Brooks (yes that is his real name) can sell out stadiums all over the country, they must be doing something right. I don't see it, but my wife, kids and mother in law do. So, lots and lots of gravy for me today - what will the gravy be? Not sure yet, I will figure it out when I get there.

However, I will keep an open mind. I will not make anyone's life miserable and I will not do anything to ruin anyone's fun. I have always believed music has three categories:

1. Talent - I like it because it appeals to me.(Lou Reed, Zeppelin, Nick Cave, Scott Severin)
2. Respectable - talent, but not really something that you would find me listening to, but respect. (Brooks and Dunn, Metallica, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard)
3. Shit - there is way too much shit out there. No talent, no creativity, no substance and thrown together in a matter of hours with some second-rate bullshit.(Ke$ha, Taylor Swift, Shania Twain, and Justin Bieber - good God - I just found out he is Canadian - sorry - not going to renouncing my Citizenship because of it.)

I think 'Brooks & Dunn' are talented but I just don't 'feel' it - you know what I mean, Vern? I will make the best of it, I will look at is as exploring and observing. I will enjoy it because it will make my wife and children happy!

However, I will be happy to come back home!

Wish me luck. I have survived much, MUCH worse than this.

G

Taking A Trip To The Backyard – with Scott Severin & The Milton Burlesque

(L to R)Gary Foster, Tim Ranard, and Rev. Pfloyd (foreground) Scott Severin

Taking A Trip To The Backyard – with Scott Severin & The Milton Burlesque

I met Scott on Facebook, through a mutual 'Facebook-friend'. When I listened to his sounds, the first thing that I did was write him an email saying “...HEY!! Why the hell have I never heard of you??!!!..”

So, the love affair began. I wanted more of Scott's stuff. I pre-ordered his CD – 'BirdHouse Obbligato'

It arrived in the mail, and the first thing I did was rip the packaging open like a kid at Christmas and popped it into my CD player. First song '1000 Heroes'. I noticed this lyric “...we held hands as we stumbled into Hell...” and this one “...we were slaves and yet we still were free...”. Lots of paradoxical writings and probably some personal experiences for Scott.

Let me skip ahead to track 4 – title of the song is 'Farshtaist' – until I heard this song, I had never even known that word existed. I looked it up – a word from Yiddish meaning 'Do you understand?' It is pronounced FASH-tay (for those of you that remember phonics from school). This song is very interesting, educational and melancholic all at the same time.

“...now I got this little girl, she got her mother's eyes and her father's curls, and I dunno what I'm gonna say when she asks me 'bout the evils in this world...” and “..I don't know how long I can stay, Farshaist...”

These lyrics, being a parent, watching all three of my kids being squeezed, pushed or surgically brought into this 'cesspool' we call Mother Earth, really, REALLY got to me. I see that the writer was quite depressed when the song was written. I can say, yes, sometimes this world can be a swarm of horrid, diabolical evils. However, when I go out into my backyard sit still for about 5 minutes and move nothing but my eyes, I can see Mother Nature's wonders all around. It is especially more elegant when I can share it with my wife, my daughter and my son. I absolutely loved the song and listened to it over and over. Finally, I spoke with Scott and he told me that the song “...is basically a suicide note..”. I will be honest – quite a number of the references that Scott spoke of, I had to look up. Some references to the Skin Trade, some war, and some personal stuff that I will ask him about over a few beers when he tours out this way.

Scott has a captivating voice, however, I think the poor man was born tone-deaf. Like many before him, such as Leonard Cohen, Lou Reed, Nick Cave, Neil Young, Johnny Cash and Ian Curtis, I don't think that Scott could carry a tune if his life depended on it. However, if you want vocal talent, listen to Micheal Buble or Josh Groban. If you want poetry and some really good stories, listen to Scott Severin & The Milton Burlesque.

My final word: worth 60 seconds of your time and $10 of your cash to go out to CD baby and download it. It is rare in this day and age that a CD shows so much creativity and originality. I can almost guarantee you that you will not hear this on any Clearchannel or CBS Joint, but I really think Scott and his crew deserve a try.

Enjoy your walk out to the backyard - and say hello to the birds in your Birdhouse Obbligato

(Note to Scott - find some peace - I know I am still looking!)

Born Free, Window Seat or Modern Warfare 2 : The Electric Boogaloo

(my character about to get a 7.62mm frontal lobotomy)

Thanks to a friend of mine's 14 year old son, I am now an addict of FPS (first person shooter) games - Halo CE was my first taste of the drug which now I cannot seem to get enough of.

My mother in law gave me a $15.00 Gamestop card for Father's Day and another for my birthday (which occurred a week or so apart). I found a few coupons online so it went like this:

Gamestop.com

• Call of Duty - Modern Warfare 2 - $39.99 (pre-owned of course)
• Giftcards - $30.00 total.
• Coupon - 20% off any used game and free shipping:
• I had $30.00 in cards, and the 20% off/free shipping coupon:
• $38.00 credit

Total cost to Glen - $1.99 mailed to my front door. Now that I have bragged about what a tightwad I am, I will get to my point.

So, I get the game, open it up and see the 'Tipper Sticker' on it - Rated M - Blood, Gore, Language, Violence - shit! No sex? I guess Rangers or SAS are not interested in cornholing or pulling a 69er on each other.

So, I played all the way through the game and got to the end. Learned the reasons for this and that. Seeing as it was a sequel to Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, it pulled a few loose ends together. All in all, I really like it. Now, I play the online skirmishes or do the special OPs. Keeps me off of the porn web sites.

Speaking of porn, I have a point to all of this. I will get to it soon, but let me state and build my case first.

After doing a little Googling, I discovered the demography for this game:

http://www.quantcast.com/modernwarfare2.com . If I read the graphs correctly, it looks like males, Caucasian and 13-17 years old. Makes sense - boys like to play with guns. I know when I was a kid, I did. We played 'war games' all of the time. Loved it - learned strategy, stealth, all kinds of cool shit. (A buddy of mine, his dad was in the now defunct Canadian Airborne Regiment, so his dad was a good local expert on jungle/urban warfare.) So, for $59.99 when this game was released, probably Mummy and/or Daddy paying for little 13-17 year old Jimmy, Johnny or Timmy to get it at WalMart or Gamestop (seeing as it is rated M, they cannot sell it to you unless you are 18). So, on with my dit.

Now, if you jump around the web enough you will find these two things.

1. MIA Born Free http://vimeo.com/11219730 - not a problem at all to find an uncensored version of it. I will warn you that it is very violent and very graphic. It even disturbed me and I am not easily shocked. So, if you are faint-of-heart, don't watch it.
2. Another video that caught my attention was this: http://www.examiner.com/x-9259-Celebrity-Headlines-Examiner~y2010m3d31-Erykah-Badu-window-seat-video-unedited-version-is-too-risque-or-just-bad-taste . It is a musical re-enactment of the JFK assassination. All of her naughty parts are censored.

Okay, now it is time to get to my point. Question time: what is more damaging to a young person's psyche? Seeing a naked body part or seeing a human body blown to bits? I know the first time I ever saw a naked person, I stared in awe. Wow, that is what we look like. The first time I ever saw a sex scene in a movie, I think I was about 11. Made me feel all 'fuzzy' inside. (I guess 'horny' and 'fuzzy' are similar when you are a pre-teen). I know that my first sexual encounter I will remember for life (in a good way - you know who you are, oh yes you do!)

I know the first violent thing I ever saw was disturbing. I think it was an old B&W war flick, called 'Hell Is For Heroes' - a young Steve McQueen and a younger James Coburn. It was 1962 version of violence but when someone is laying there burned, and you are about 10 years old, it kind of sticks to you. I remember seeing 'Videodrome' as a young man and it actually made me wince and grimace. Oh, let us not forget 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and the Jason Voorhies 'Friday The 13th' sequel after tasteless and violent sequel. How many different ways can you kill someone? Or, perhaps a Tarantino flick - his nonchalant ways of decapitating, castrating, stabbing, shooting, gutting or disemboweling someone while sipping a cup of tea or telling a story about a hamburger that he ate.

So, I ask this: when was the last time you saw someone in therapy for jerking off, getting a hand job from their partner, squeezing their partner's bum, or having an Earth-shattering orgasm with someone you really liked or were in love with - or not - just a romp in the sack? Has there ever been someone in the history of mankind that has become a spouse-abuser from looking at Penthouse, Playboy, Hustler or Juggs? Did Jeffery Dahmer start killing and devouring boys because he saw his mom naked or had casual sex in a night-club bathroom? Did Richard Kuklinski become a professional assassin because he liked blow-jobs?

So, what is more damaging to one's psyche? Making a sticky mess in your pants (or in girl's case, getting wet and sticky between the legs) or making a mess with someone's grey matter all over the sidewalk? Personally, I take the sticky mess in the pants - worst case scenario - take a shower and change your undies.

Sex is a natural, wonderful part of two people that are in love. It is also sometimes used as stress-relief, sometimes a sleep aid. It is something that you do for someone whom you care about. Something kind for someone you like or love. However, there are a few side-effects. Making a mess, or in the case of guy-girl sex, the girl can get pregnant. (I won't talk about rape, as that is not a sexual act, it is an act of violent empowerment over someone who is powerless) .

So, really - sex is Mother Nature's way of keeping the population going. Something few of us can resist, so a primal urge which can have the side-effect of creating new lives. Wow - Mother Nature is one smart girl.

So, my question is this? What is so bad about sex, nudity and any other erotica? I am not a psychology weenie but I don't believe that looking at naked people or looking at pornography is damaging to your mental well-being. I think it may cause damage to a 13 year old boy's penis if he does too much pud-polishing - his ding-dong may get sore. So, if it starts to get painful, stop for a day or two. As for the girls, if you want to 'frig the marble' or 'dial the rotary phone', just stop for a while if you get sore. I am willing to wager that the prison population is not full of people that had too much sex- unless they are a pedophile - which isn't sex, it's abuse.

So, if you walk in on mom and dad playing 'ride 'em cowgirl' , red faced, dad screams "..hey!! Ever hear of knocking...get outtaeah!!!" You quickly shut the door and either walk away confused or giggle. Later on mom and dad sit you down and explain to you what they were doing was private and something that people do when they care for one another (hopefully).

However, if you walked in on your mom lying in a pool of blood with her entrails hanging out and your dad standing there with a carving knife, his clothes soaked in blood, with a crazed look on his face, panting forcefully, what do you think your reaction would be?

So, my final question to all of you: why are we so hung up on censoring nudity and sexuality, but we tend to allow violence to be so 'mainstream'?