"....Sandra met Raymond at the Race Relations, Much to the dismay of her family and friends..."

I don't know if there are any Billy Bragg fans in the Facebook/Twitter-Verse but he was a singer from back when I was a kid. He's still recording apparently.
This is the first line of one of his tunes called 'The Guitar Says Sorry' - it's about a young girl that gets pregnant from a Black dude in England in, I think the 1960s.
Interesting that when I was there for a short time in the 1980s, I saw many, many mixed race couples. Lots of mixed race babies, lots of Black Mums and White Dads and vice versa. Was it because the UK had their own form of Segregation and the Government outlawed it? People said "..fuck it....let's all get together to piss off our Mums and Dads..." Knowing the Brits, that's probably the reason. They love to be different. Almost every Brit that I have met tends to be oddball and not afraid to speak his/her mind. My ancestry comes from Scotland so maybe that's why I can't keep my mouth shut.

So, let's talk about the current climate in the USA. A statue of Robert E. Lee  in Virginia is being threatened. A statue of Christopher Columbus is being destroyed in Boston, MA. Everyone is up in arms (again!) about the Confederate Flag. This last one - it's just fucking ridiculous! The country Group 'Lady Antebellum' is renaming themselves to just Lady A - why? Because Antebellum describes the architecture of the plantation homes in the South. Oh, and plantations meant slavery! Ooooh...I'm soooo offended....I'm gonna burn all their CDs and tour t-shirts! I'm gonna protest outside their concerts! Ooooohhh......shut the fuck up! Seriously!?

Now, I'm going to quote some things from memory here. If I get it wrong, I apologize. I'm not going to cite sources, so its just all off of the top of my head.

Let's start with Robert E Lee. He lead the Confederate Army fighting the Union Soldiers of the North. He had some oddball viewpoints of slavery, for and against. However, this shows me that the man was able to think for himself, not that he was a racist.

Christopher Columbus. This one is a Pandora's Box. He's the dude that discovered the Caribbean Islands, which led to the settlement of North America by the Europeans. Like everyone, he was greedy and wanted gold. This led to animosity by the indigenous folks, and the shit hit the fan. I don't condone the massacres, but let's think about today. What happens when someone wrongs you? You fight back, whether you tossed the first spear, fired the first arrow, or in our case, launched the first drone. If you kick a dog enough times, he's gonna bite you. Was he a racist? I don't know. I think like every other White European, he thought he was superior to anyone else. Especially if they paraded around the jungle half-nekkid and worshipped statues and birds. 

Confederate Flag - personally, I think it has some nice colours. I like it. However, it was used as a racist symbol by the Ku Klux Klan and the Aryans and other White Supremacy Groups. However, it was originally created as a symbol of pride and sovereignty. I think it was a great big 'Fuck You' to the Yankees, above the Mason Dixon Line, saying "..we're gonna do our thing...we don't like your ways, Yankee!!..." In those days, no one thought about racism. The word Negro was tossed around constantly, and the other word, that rhymes with 'bigger' was also tossed around. That is the way it was. We were barbaric, un-evolved, greedy and ruthless. However, that was centuries ago.
Speaking of flags, you could argue that the Stars and Stripes Flag is racist too.

Take a look at the map - New Hampshire had slaves! Six years before Confederation! How about that? So, does that make the Old Glory a racist symbol too? My point - it's bullshit. All of it. When I see the Confederate Flag, I think of two things: The Dukes of Hazzard - The General Lee Car or a Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers concert. Are those two things racist? Not to me.

Finally - Lady Antebellum - so, because this represented something to do with the South and Plantations, it's racist. Seriously? Do you think that the architects and designers said "..okay, let's design these houses to be racist symbols, because we're going to make a shit-load of money as we have all this free labour...let's all be racist..." No, slavery was a way of life.  Oh and while we're at it, let's make Washington DC racist! The White House and The Capitol Building, both were built using slave labour. So, let's make them racist symbols too! Tear 'em down!!! (Yeah, that's gonna go over REAL well, isn't it?)

So, my point? Well, our ancestors were dicks. Total dicks. They kept slaves, whipped and beat them, killed Indians just, well because, beat their wives and kids to death sometimes, burned people accused of being Witches, frowned on, and ostracized homosexuality, but married 12 and 13 year old girls and banged them up like Nickel Balloons. What happens today if a 12 year old winds up sproggen? Someone calls the cops, and they are there faster than you can say 'child-molester' .

Our ancestors were total dicks - we all need to accept that fact and move on.

Get over yourselves people - seriously!

Pass me the peashooter...

So, it seems that we have an opioid crisis in this State - The State of New Hampshire, or ‘Drug Infested Den’ as our President calls it.

Well, I never studied Economics, or Political Science or Medicine - so, keep in mind that everything that I say here is just observation and/or opinion.

I’ve lived in the USA for quite some time now, and like every other Democracy, it’s not without its problems. I think that there is too a big a separating gap between the Haves and Have Nots. Poverty. Also, another huge problem is health (or disease) care. It’s expensive, its done piecemeal most of the time, its done on the cheap to ‘regulate costs’, and worst of all - the main reason why I think that the whole health industry in the USA should be torn down, completely demolished, is that it is a for profit industry. So, that means that some Evil Rich White Man In A Suit decides whether you live or you die. They put a price on your well being. Some things may be legal, but that doesn’t make them right. Yes, I have an idea to replace the health care/disease care industry in the USA, but I won’t go into it here - at least not fully.

I came home in my new(er) SUV the other day, radio on, A/C on and backed into my driveway. As we drove up to the house, I noticed a man sitting on the pavement in front of my house. My first thought was “...so stoned that he can’t move…” He didn’t have that blank look on his face, he looked like he was struggling or suffering. I walked over to him and asked him what happened. He told me that his knee gave out while he was walking. It was quite hot outdoors, he was sweating. One of his knees looked very swollen and was poking outward. I’m not a doctor but this guy was in pain. We talked for a bit and I eventually called 911 for him and waited for the paramedics to show up. They eventually got him into the ambulance and took him to, what I assume, is the emergency room.  While talking to this guy, I could tell that he was probably under the influence of some medication. He was coherent, so I don’t think he was a heroin or IV drug user. Didn’t smell like booze, didn’t look ‘starving’ - he was scrawny but had a stomach like the rest of us. I’m thinking that this guy has a bad knee injury, probably on some sort of disability, and wanted to get out of the house because it was too damn hot. Probably on his way to the store for a drink or something to eat.

So, what does this have to do with my air conditioned SUV or a healthcare crisis? Well, I want to say first that I am glad that I can afford health insurance through my employer and I can afford a decent car to go to the store. I don’t have to walk everywhere.  That’s the first thing. Now, the healthcare crisis. Read on…

So, here is what I’m thinking. This man, has a wrecked knee. He is on some sort of disability and therefore probably on Medicare. So, his doctor, gives him painkillers, which are relatively inexpensive :

https://www.goodrx.com/hydrocodone-acetaminophen

This happens every month so, if you look at the costs, we can average of $18 bucks/month. So, about $216/year that the Government/taxpayer has to shell out. However, think about this. After a while, we build a tolerance to these things. They need to get stronger and stronger for the same effect. So, when the over the counter shit doesn’t work anymore, what do you do? Try to get stronger shit. Enter the street drugs. InAGaddaDaVida. You take this shit just to function, and then you get a bad hit - overdose, maybe even death, or if you survive, brain damage - if you’re lucky, the EMTs reach you in time to revive you.

Now, the next bright idea. Why not fix the problem in the first place? Well, I’ll tell you why. M-O-N-E-Y. That’s right, it’s expensive to fix. I did a little research about knees. I’m not a doctor, but this is an example.

http://health.costhelper.com/torn-meniscus.html

Reading this, surgery costs up to $9000.00 - Big Bux. So, the Government Suits at Medicaid (which are ALMOST as bad as Rich White Men In Suits) see that and go “...holy SHIT...we can’t justify that….painkillers…!!!”  They keep on giving painkillers, until the above happens. Addiction. Stronger shit. Even stronger shit. Possible overdose. Possible death. Possible coma. Possible brain damage.

See my point? If this guy got the knee surgery in the first place, he would not have wound up at the end of my driveway. If all of the other ‘addicts’ in our Drug Infested Den would get their knee surgery, or back surgery, or foot surgery….you get the idea. Yes, up front costs are higher, but then after recovery, we don’t have a bunch of addicts running around looking for a fix.  

Opioid crisis. I’m not saying that it’s the Government’s fault. I’m not saying that it’s the healthcare industry’s fault. I’m not saying anything of the sort. However, if we realized that putting a band-aid on a severed artery is only going to stop the bleeding. It’s not going to fix the cut.

Problem? We are hunting Super Carriers with a peashooter.

"..I hope I die before I get old...."

"...talkin' 'bout my generation..."

Well, it's happened. I have joined the ranks of the old people. When I was a kid, you never heard of your friends' Dad or Mom getting sick unless it was the flu, a cold but I only remember one friend who had a parent die from heart disease.

My Mom, was a big time smoker, liked her rye and ate whatever she wanted. In the 1970s, she was taking birth control pills and had some pretty bad hypertension. All this together was a disaster waiting to happen. Eventually, at the age of 38, my sisters found her on the floor motionless. She has a stroke. A good one too. It paralysed her on the right side and she has to learn to walk and function all over again. She lived for almost 30 more years but she took it seriously. Gave up her bad habits and lived healthy.

Fast forward to 2016. For weeks, even months I've been kind of run down, getting chest pains and sometimes they travel into both arms. One day in September or October, I was out walking with my kids and I had to stop because it hurt. It hurt like a motherfucker. I have had digestive problems my whole life, hernias, ulcers, reflux, plus I'm a porker (quit smoking in 1989 and replaced it with food). So, I figured bad gas. I stopped, farted a few times, burped the alphabet and all was well. This went on and off for the next several weeks. Sometimes it was non-existent. Sometimes it was mild. I didn't worry about it. Then, the levee broke.

I was out walking last Monday morning. I was pushing pretty hard as I had eaten turkey and Christ knows what over the last several days. It started to hurt again. More and more. It was to the point where it was unbearable. I stopped, it went away. I started back up again, and there it was. I got back to the house and it was excruciating. I sat down and it subsided, but then I felt like I was going to puke. The tingling behind your ears, the excessive salivating - yup, it was coming up. "..this is not right....holy fuck....I'm gonna die....". Fuck I haven't seen the latest Star Trek movie yet...(well, that's not the first thought I had...but you get the idea). I was going to ignore it but this one was the worst yet. I couldn't. So, the nausea subsided, the pain subsided, and I thought it was smart (after talking to people) that I should go to the hospital.

I was admitted. Fuckers. I hate hospitals. They took what is called troponin levels, then a few hours later again. Apparently, I had some sort of cardiac incident. Textbook unstable angina. Now, we had to figure out why.

Xrays, sonograms, and more xrays showed a small blockage. It was in a blood vessel at the bottom of the heart muscle. That's what made things hurt. Apparently, your heart muscle needs blood flow. If not, it gets pissed off and reacts. Mine got really pissed off. Then came the catheterization. They lay you on a table, completely bare-ass, and dope you up. Then you get a tube fed into an artery in your arm, feed it like a plumbing snake all the way up into your heart muscle. With this, they inject dyes so they can see your organs moving around in 4K on a 72" monitor. That was the fun part. The not so fun part is that toward the end I was spasming, and my neck and arm hurt like a sonofoabitch. Lucky for me, he was done.

Well, now I'm taking a statin drug and a beta-blocker - also, daily ASA. Just like the old fuckers you see at Dunkin' Donuts or fighting to get first in line at the lab for bloodwork. When I was a kid, heart disease was for old men in nursing homes. When two different cardiac surgeons look you straight in the face and tell you that this could kill you if you don't follow their instructions, it puts things in perspective. I figured "..yup, I'm a fat-ass that's why..." Apparently, I inherited this from my Mom. Heart disease is 70% genetic so it was bound to happen sooner or later.

What does this mean for me? Well, pills, of course. Also, I'm back on Weight Watchers because I love to eat. It's the only vice that I have left. I'm 50 years old and I could have died from heart failure. It scared me. Really frightened. However, this was a really, really loud alarm clock. It was telling me "..look, Jumbo...time to take care of yourself....stop stuffing your cake-hole with Mars bars and taco chips, get off your ass and exercise once in a while..."

I think that this time I'm gonna listen...I may be too old to rock and roll, but I'm much too young to die.

Peace

"...all you're ever gonna be is mean..."

I'm not a Taylor Swift fan, but my son loves her.

However, one of her songs, which is clearly about bullying, sends a powerful message. It talks about those who are mean. Mean to her.

I'm bringing this up because I try my damnedest to be kind to everyone. I'm far from perfect, but I do know that I try to treat everyone equally. I try to be kind, and I try to be polite.

However, when I am kind and polite to someone, and they come back with something really nasty or mean, it's kind of hurtful. You put your feelings out there, and someone stomps all over them. It's not nice, it's hurtful and it's just plain fucking mean.

As I look around me, in public places, such as coffee shops, corner stores, shopping malls and even when I'm driving on the Interstate, I see such misery in people's faces. Sometimes I think that it's because everyone is so mean to each other. What I want to know is why? I know that several times per week, someone does or says something that just pisses me off. I know that I see unhappy clerks at the gross-ery store or 7-11 when I get snacks or drinks. When I see someone like that, I ask them "...hey, are you having a bad day, or are you just feeling foul today..." Normally, they look at me and say something like "...oh, I'm just tired..." or "....I had an argument with..." Then I'll try to lighten it, and make a smart-ass remark to get them to giggle or smile. Normally, it works. Sometimes, it explodes all over me like a shit-shower.

When I was a young kid, my dad used to say "...nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.." and "...do unto others as you wish them to do unto you.." - he was always like that. He had his moments where he would say nasty shit, but he would acknowledge it after the fact.

My problem - if someone is intentionally mean to me, I have a really difficult time getting past it. I'm kind of thin-skinned like that. I'm guilty of being a cock-head at times, but I try to apologize for my dumb-fuckery when it comes about.

So, how about if everyone else was like that? I wonder if we would take less pills, stress eat less, keep jobs and relationships longer and mostly, stop fucking up our kids so that they grow from little assholes into great big fucking bitches and pricks.

That is all...

The Endless Circle - Great Expectations

Most of us probably know of a novel written by an author (perhaps you have heard of him?) - a man by the name of Charles Dickens. The first edition of this novel is from about 1861, back when the USA was a young country and Canada was just about to become a country.

It's a story about a young man, named Pip, who finds out his benefactor is a convict. He thought it was a Lady, but he learns things are not what they appear to be.

That was almost 200 years ago - I think that I got from this story a strong message. Expectations are seldom, if never, what you want them to be. Unless you are in a position of power, high authority or a tyrannical leader, it's not gonna happen.

Expectations. Expectations.

Merriam Webster online defines it as follows:

: a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen

: a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be

Let  me back up the clock, to about 30 years ago.

 When I was a young guy, still living at home, my Dad was always a positive cynic. What the fuck do you mean by that? Well, he was the guy who would sit in front of the TV and mock the commercials, saying things like "..oh yeah, I'm gonna run right out and buy Calgon - it will make my bathtub a fuckin' oasis..." or he would be watching the news, and they would be interviewing some politician or CEO who got caught stealing or hobby-horsing some underage kid and he would be all in tears and remorseful for the camera. My Dad would look at the TV, then look at me and say "...fucking phony prick...the only Goddamn thing you are sorry for is getting caught with your dong stuck in something that it shouldn't have been stuck in..."

However, he was also the kind of guy that if I had a really bad day at school or my baseball team lost, he would put his hand on my shoulder and say "...well, tomorrow is another day, right? Don't let it get you down. It's not the end of the world..."

See how much of a paradox that was?

I think it's affected me as an adult in a few ways.

1. Cynical - I have this Bullshit Detector that is running all the time, 24x7x365 - I always thing that someone has an angle. If someone is giving me the "..oh, I care about you and your's..." speech, I am always ready to say "..okay...what are you trying to sell me and what's it gonna cost...?"

2. High Expectations - I wake up in the morning, every day and the first thing that is in my head is "...today is going to be better than yesterday....I'm going to get so much accomplished...." Then, when that doesn't happen, I get angry. I get upset. I'm disappointed. Ugh.

See the pattern? I think I set myself up for failure. I want to be positive and I want to be productive, but when I hit a roadblock, I get frustrated. My first reaction is to throw my arms up and say "..fuck it....I'm not even gonna bother...". Then I get mad. Then I start thinking about how much I hate this or hate that. Then I get mean. Then I want to lash out. Then I do lash out. Then I sit and sulk. Then my anger subsides but it's too late. I've brought someone else down. I've become a person that I hate. A toxic person.

However, I still start all over again the next day.

Holy fuck - stop this shit.....FUCKING STOP!!!

No wonder I'm:

1. fat
2. have hypertension
3. have a cluttered and messy house
4. can't get out of my own way
5. feel like I'm about to pop a Jesus vein all the time.

I'm sure that I'm stressed out. Depressed, anxious, tired, frustrated.

I also think that 90% of it is my own fault.

So, how do I become not fat, not depressed, and get out of my own way? One of two ways - I can either :

a. work to strive for excellence so that my life is better, make more money, sell more shit, write more code, suck up to people of money and power, stomp on those in my way, run over all the roadblocks..

OR

b. Lower my expectations of achievements, people and things .

So, If I lower my expectations, think that I'm going to fuck everything up, not get anything done, stay fat, have to keep taking BP medicine, keep taking my happy pills, accept the fact that I am going to live, work and die in misery, then things will be okay. Right?

For the last several weeks, I've tried a social experiment. I have eliminated some false expectations from my life. I get out of bed, and say to myself "...maybe things won't go my way, perhaps I'll just have to expect things to be different..." or say to my wife "..okay...let's set some expectations here...no assuming...what's going to happen? What time are we.....? Who are we...? ....". I have to say, for the most part, it's worked. However, when I slip back into my old ways of expecting things to go my way, I become a prick when it doesn't work out. If I want someone to help me with the dishes, ask. If I want someone to cook food, so that I don't have to , ask. If I want the house picked up, either do it myself or ask. Expecting things to happen seldom works. In reality, you can't come home and expect that things will be quiet, stable and equal - they aren't. Unless you lobotomize everyone in your house and hire a maid to do everything, it's not gonna happen.

I think that I will expect that things may not go my way and expect that I'm going to be frustrated. Or, better yet - get off my fat arse and make things better for myself.

Just a thought...

Peace.

Society is Broken - and I cannot fix it.

I have been called negative, cynical, a downer, a crybaby, a girly-man, and a male version of a bitch. I agree with all of those adjectives - every one.

However, for every story, there is a back-story. No one is born crazy, rude, miserable, psychotic, or fucked up. We BECOME this way. Is it nature or nurture? I don't know.

Some infamous criminals:

1. Jeffery Dhamer - number one all fucked-up as far as I am concerned. He preyed on young men and cannibalized them because he never wanted to part with them. His justification was that he wanted to keep them forever. His roots were common - alcoholic and abusive parents, broken home, did time in the military. How many people do you know like that (I am holding up my hand)
2. Clifford Olson - brutally assaulted his victims and sent the audio recordings to the family. Seems like he was just a bad-ass growing up. Not really family problems, just regular stuff. Petty crime, then more serious crimes, then brutal murders.
3. David Russell Williams - liked girls undies but somehow turned to killing

Maybe these are a little extreme. What I want to vent about is not killers or rapists, it is about the general populous. The neighbour, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. People. I guess perhaps I set my standards too high or maybe I just expect more. I know I am not perfect, and I have my days where I could easily fall into the category of 'fucking asshole' or 'dickhead' - however, I try my best to practice the "..do unto others..." philosophy.

So, why are we so angry? Well, I have a theory:

I'm driving on the highway, I find my exit and I try to move over. However, the Tony Stewart Wannabe cuts me off, or speeds up so that I almost miss my exit. I get frustrated. I have a shitty-on. I get off the highway, go to turn and someone is trying to enter from an intersection. I see them and think "..screw you...wait..." They try to get in but I won't let them and I lean on my horn. Now, they are angry - the cycle continues.

After this happens to you enough times, you become cynical and hardened. You expect it. You stop using your manners and continue to get angry. Then, you arrive at your destination and you are still angry. It's a doctor's office. You are on time for your appointment, but they are 'running late' - you get more angry and you take it out on the poor minimum wage gal behind the counter. She is now angry. Her kid calls her with a simple request, and she bites their head off. Now the kid is angry. The kid posts an angry comment on Facebook or Twitter, and the kid that they post it about gets angry....you see how things manifest?

So, how about if we all slow down and just chill. Ignore the fucker that cuts you off. Stop getting angry over shit you have no control of. Most importantly - lower your expectations. That way, when something good happens, you are pleasantly surprised!

Peace. 

Have you heard? Have you heard that the ‘Bird Is The Word’.