"..Hey, I think you need just a little touch-up...yeah, little touch-up.."

For those of you that are old enough to remember the Chevy Chase/Gregory Hines/Sigourney Weaver film 'Deal Of The Century. I think this is a suitable quote.
Eddie Muntz, played by Chevy Chase, a smug arms dealer, and a really smooth as silk salesman, helps peddle a $300M drone from the fictitious company called 'Luckup Corporation'. In the process, he has Catherine DeVoto (Weaver) jump in the sack with a Banana Republic Dictator to help broker the deal. At one point in the movie, Ray Kasternak (Hines) gets pissed off at someone in a parking lot, takes a flame thrower out of the back of his car and torches the other guy's car with it. He uses the phrase "...needs a little touch-up....just a little..." and blasts the guys car with his flame thrower.

Later on in the movie, he is flying a jet fighter and someone is trying to shoot him down with the 'Peacemaker' (see image above). Eddie messes up the remote controls and the drone flies out of control and Kasternak gets a target lock on the drone and just before he destroys it, he says "...I think it needs a little touch-up..." ..and then blows it out of the sky.

This dit is about me giving someone and their family a 'little touch-up'. I did not burn anyone or blow them up. I felt it necessary to put a teenage boy and his family in their place.

Last Sunday was Mother's Day. I like to take Cathy, her mom and the kids out for a quiet dinner. We normally go to some out-of-the-way place as I lose patience quickly with crowds and they stress my son out a little. For those of you that know me, my 12 year old son has ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Some days are better than others for him, sometimes he can be so manic that just being in the same room with him can be exhausting. Some days, he is really calm, really collective and really together. He cannot deal with stress and anxiety like most 'typical' folks. One of his coping skills is that he talks to himself - out loud. Sometimes singing, sometimes talking about something that happened earlier that day, or even a week ago - you get the idea.

We were at this quaint little Mom-and-Pop place out in Epsom NH. The service is excellent, his prices are fair and the food is all made from scratch. I have always loved the "non-corporate-evil-rubberstamp-cold-gimme-yer-money" places. Jordan had to go to the bathroom. I sent him in alone as it was in plain view with no 'escape routes' - not him I don't trust. Too many freakin' weirdos in the world - even out in BuFu, NH.

So, this family comes in, teenage son, grandparents, mom, dad, adult daughter with a baby and they all sat down near us. I saw the teenage son get up to go use the toilet. He comes out and announces, through laughter: "..HEY! There is some weirdo in the bathroom stall talking to himself....Ha! Weirdo!!"

Well, needless to say, I was pissed off. His parents said nothing, I heard a few giggles around the table and he was happy to be the center of attention. I think I was filled with anger and hurt. My first thought was to pummel that little shite into a greasy spot on the carpet, then go to work on his mom and dad for not correcting the behavior. Then to proceed to grab the coffee pot from the coffee station and pour it all over everyone's dinners. However, in the real world, you tend to get arrested for shit like that.

I waited, and waited, and waited - tried to let it go. No. Not gonna happen.

When we were about to leave, I told Cathy my dilemma. She looked at me and said "..if you are going to confront them, wait until I leave - confrontation makes me really uncomfortable."

I waited with Jordan - Cathy, Mikayla and her Mom left. I took Jordan by the hand and walked over to the table and stood glaring at the teenage son and his parents:

"Hey, you know that 'weirdo' in the bathroom that you announced to the restaurant?"

"yeah..", he giggled.

"..well, that 'weirdo' was my autistic son - he deals with stress and anxiety that way. You may want to engage your brain before opening your mouth in the future."

I glared at everyone around the table, the parents looked at me like I had just shot someone, the teenage son was clearly ashamed and embarrassed and the rest of the family was either frozen in mid-bite or had a look of "Jesus, I am gonna puke." on their faces. I stood there with Jordan for about another 10 or 15 seconds and none of them would look me in the eye.

Dead silence. Imagine a cartoon where everyone is trying not to look around and the only sound you hear is crickets chirping.

I walked away. I figured that I had tortured them enough. Now for the pathetic part:

I felt bad for what I did. Took me about 15-30 seconds to get to the door and outside of the restaurant. By the time I was outside, I wanted to go back and apologize. Cathy said "..no, he deserved it." Cathy's mom, Rae, said "...no Glen...people need to be told. You did the right thing."

Now, a side note from me: I am the first sonofabitch to poke fun at someone/something. However, I try to be much more incognito about it. I don't announce that there is a 'She-Man' at the next table, or the person stuffing their cake-hole with food and talking with their mouth full as bits of food fall out all over their shirt. I try to be subtle about it - not announcing it. Cathy, Rae and I get a little laugh out of it but I try to make sure no one else hears.

So, is this Karma biting me in the arse? Perhaps. It makes me think about what I need to do and say before I do an say it. So, perhaps this is a message? Does this make me a bad person? Well, I was brought up to be considerate of others. I don't think I am hurting anyone if they don't hear or see? I would never openly mock someone as a result of a disability or dysfunction. Jokes in the oasis of my car or house, but never where anyone else can hear.

However, if someone did that to me, I would probably have the same reaction. I would probably want to crawl under a rock.

So, I will continue to be careful not to piss people off too much.

Perhaps I should back off a little.

Glen

Obsessed with body image - what about if we became obsessed with 'mind image'

Well, I was checking tweets, Facebook post and other various methods of bullshit flying around the net and I came across this:

http://izismile.com/2009/03/27/why_do_some_girls_cut_their_pictures_and_leave_only_their_faces_2_pics.html>

It kind of irritates me that 'Maxim' and 'FHM' have these columns called 'Fatty of The Month' and I hear Frat-Boy types say "NO FAT CHICKS!" and have it printed on their garb.

Personally, if I were a single guy, looking for a gal, I would LOVE to see a photo like this. Not only is this a real person, but at least I know that if I took her out to a restaurant or cooked her dinner, she would probably eat it. If I brought her chocolates, she would love me forever. If after a movie or show, I said "...hey, I am hungry, let's get snacks..." I would be able to share an order of 7-11 nachos with that wonderful artificial jalapeno cheese sauce on them - uff!

There is something to be said about a gal that is carrying a few extra pounds on her. Every chubby girl that I know ( and I use the term chubby with much love and kindness) has a wonderful personality, friendly and caring, appreciates all the nice things you do, expects nothing, are the kindest, best manners, and are eager to be good to you. I know that there are younger folks on here, but all of the larger/plus-size gals in my life have also been the absolute best when it came to, shall I say, 'being intimate' - wow - unforgettable.

So, I am going to start a new trend. I am going to become obsessed with 'mind image' So, if I meet this chicky-poo that looks like she just stepped off of a catwalk in Milan, and she is a total spoiled high-maintenance bitch that thinks I should kiss her arse because of the way she looks, then, okay - all skinny, attractive girls are bitches and I want nothing to do with them. I will don my hat/t-shirt/ bumper sticker that says "NO SKINNY CHICKS!!!" and in my magazine I will have a column that is entitled "Skeletor Bitch Of The Month" . I will open a club that when a skinny starving Kate-Moss-Circa-Middle-'90s wanders in , I will gather all my buddies together to say "...ha....bet she couldn't eat a raisin....ha..if she swallowed an orange whole, 100 guys would leave town....ha....skinny-bitch, skinny-bitch...here, have a hamburger so you have the energy to walk over to the bar to order your drink...ha....let's lock her in the bathroom - in 10 minutes she will die of starvation...ha...stand back everyone...she looks like she is gonna PURGE....!!!!"

So, just because a girl is overweight, that doesn't mean that she is not a wonderful person? I can list at least 5 women right this second, that are clearly overweight and I just love hanging out with them. Why? Because it makes me happy to be around them - why? They are pleasant, polite and just all-around nice and warm and fuzzy.

So, before the next Frat Boy giggles at the pudgy gal or the next asshole is wearing a 'NO FAT CHICKS!' t-shirt/hat, think about how much you are hurting someone. Think about what it would feel like to be humiliated, stripped of your pride and your self-esteem shattered in a million pieces at your feet.

Sir-Mix-A-Lot "...I like big butts and I cannot lie...other brothers can't deny..."

Queen "..fat bottomed girls, make the rockin' world go 'round'..."

Spinal Tap "...Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?...."


Peace all - Glen

Okay - now I am scared! She is gonna chop something off!!! What the hell is wrong with her??!!

Okay - be honest with me. How many guys out there have said that about their wives, girlfriends, significant others? Show of hands: Okay....one...two....20...30...100...1000. Wow! We must have real bitches living with us!

Hang on a minute - before you start sending hate mail and egging my car and house, keep reading. Believe it or not, this blog is STANDING UP for the ladies - yes, I am taking the girls' side on this one.

I have a Russian friend - Ukrainian, actually. I met this young fellow as he had tasked me to do some Java and database work for him. Really nice guy. However, this is not about him.

I have always been fascinated with the Russian language. It looks cool, sounds cool, every Russian person I have ever met, I have found them intriguing. So, I want to learn the language a little better. I went looking for audiobooks - the library in town here allows you to check them out over the web and they have a DRM embedded in them. They 'bomb out' after 14 days. If I looked a little harder, I would like to find away around that, just to say that I can - but that is for another day..

Anyway - I was looking for a book on Russian phrases, and I literally stumbled across a book by a woman named Cathi Hanauer called 'The Bitch In The House - 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage"

http://www.harpercollins.com/authors/20928/Cathi_Hanauer/index.aspx

I remember hearing about this book on NPR a while back - They interviewed Ms Hanauer and she was quite interesting. She told of the gals that she interviewed for this book, from all walks of life - younger, older, richer, poorer, slender gals, larger plus-size gals - 26 in total. One for every letter of the alphabet perhaps?

Well, I listened to this book over the last few days while I was helping this Russian fellow as well as a fellow from the UK and another in Portugal.

The stories were told by the women themselves and their voices were filled with emotion. Sometimes resentment, sometimes happiness, sometimes sorrow. The main two subjects - relationships and kids. The relationship dialogs were the ones that really got to me. I think that being guys we are programmed to really do two things: procreate and provide. If you strip away all of the higher thinking, the logic, the learned common-sense and the fact that we won't pay attention unless there is a plate of chicken wings or some naked naughty-bits involved, that is really what us guys are. Hunters and collectors.

Now, I would never pretend to be an expert on marriage or relationships. However, I have been married twice - the first one was like a constant monsoon of fighting and bickering. I don't really think we even liked each other. Maybe in the beginning, but it quickly turned very sour. I am not going to point fingers, but the expression "it takes two to Tango" comes to mind.

Girls are brought up believing that there is a Prince Charming out there that will sweep her off of her feet and carry her away into the sunset living happily ever after. Boys grow up having a constant erection from the time they are 12. They watch porno and believe that is what women want. They look at girly-mags and think all women are submissive and just want to get naked with them and moan like an animal.

Both of us are wrong - so, so very wrong.

Although Price Charming is from a fairy-tale and pornography is choreographed and the naked girls in the magazines are air-brushed and spend 3 hours with a beautician before hand, most of us are real people. We have real feelings and do not come out of a magazine or fairy-tale.

I think that women are programmed at a very basic level to be maternal, to be caring, to be nurturing and to give birth to babies. Then they are programmed to take care of those babies, no matter what. They look to us guys for protection and help. That is good, it makes us feel important. It boosts the self-esteem that was destroyed by our Step-Monster when we were kids. So, these are good things. However, when we sit on our asses watching football or hockey when the kids are screaming because they are bored, then Mom gets a little pissed off. When Dad says "..I will be home at usual time..." and he wanders in the house 2 hours late, smelling like cigarettes and beer, of course Mom is going to be pissed off. When the faucet drips or the sprayer hose in the sink doesn't work and Dad says "..yeah, I will get right to it...". Then when the kids are out at a friends' place or Dad is home all day by himself and Mom walks into the house and Dad is either playing Halo 3 or gawking at streaming porn on the web, Mom gets really, REALLY pissed off! When things like this go on for weeks, months even years, the resentment and anger builds and builds and...

You get to keep your '74 Vette and she gets the mini-van. You see the kids every other weekend and celebrations. She stays in the house because she has the kids 75% of the time. You move into a swingin' bachelor pad.

Now here is the really, REALLY funny part. You wake up one morning, all your clothes are dirty, you are going to be late and you say to yourself "...how the hell did I get here?? Where did my marriage go wrong....??"

Wow - us guys are freakin' clueless. I will be honest, at 43 I am just figuring this out. After listening to these stories that these women told, it made some little switch in my head go 'CLICK!' . A loud, almost deafening click. It opened up a little door and inside that door there was a sign. This sign said: "Did you ever stop to think that what YOU are doing is making her angry?" You know what? Yes, I probably do things on a regular basis that get under my wife's skin. One of the women in the book said "I don't WANT to have to take care of another kid, either - I already am busy enough with the two that I have". I know my missus has said that to me. Also, wandering in the door one night, she had this stressed-out anxious look on her face and her hair was all messy - like the tired cartoon duck or cat or hen mom that I used to see in Merrie Melodies as a youngster. I laughed and told her the story and at least got a chuckle out of it.

In closing, I want to quote one of the women in the book. She was of the Judea Faith and she spoke of something that her Rabbi said to her when she approached her Synagogue as she wanted a traditional Jewish wedding. He said to her the following:

"If you want to get married, I can give you two pieces of advice . One: decide BEFORE you get married if you want to have children and how many you want to have. Two: love the other person more than you love yourself and treat them as such. You and your future husband follow those two basic rules about marriage, and you will be fine. You will be happy forever" .

I may have misquoted a little bit but I think I get the basic advice that Rabbi was giving. How many couples are out there where he doesn't want kids but she does and vice-versa. How many couples out there take the other partner for granted? I can think of two or three couples right off the top of my head that I know for a fact did not follow those two basic rules and they are either divorced, getting divorced or separated and cannot stand each other now.

Hey, I am not perfect. I make many, MANY mistakes. My missus and I share each other's lives. I try to tell her what is going on with me and she tries to tell me what is going on with her. Sometimes you 'sit on' things for a while because you know it is going to be painful when it comes out, but after it does, it can make or break your relationship.

I am going to tell my wife that I love her and that I appreciate having her around. She is sticking by me during a very tough time for both of us.

Oh, all of you - read the book - or sign out the audio book. All couples - do this - please.

Peace - Glen

Zen and The Art of Separation Anxiety

For those of you that know me, it is no secret that I am on my second (and last!) marriage. I was married to my college sweetheart and it is not secret that we got along "..like a house on fire.." to quote a New Order song. We were married in 1988 ( I was 22 and she was 21 - we were kids - way too young in hindsight) . We lasted until early 1996 - then we called it quits. It was either go our separate ways, become drug addicts/alcoholics or one of us would have wound up in jail for murder. We called it quits. No one is in jail.

In the months to follow, there was emotions of all sorts - hate, agony, relief, sadness, happiness, bliss, anger, depression ( am I forgetting any?) . Our divorce was finalized in 1997 and my ex has custody of our now 15 year old daughter. I personally would have not had it any other way. I was not in a position to raise a daughter. It would have been more detrimental than positive. I am kind of sad that I did not get to watch her grow up, but what was the alternative? I was seriously screwed up, suffering from all sorts of happy undiagnosed shit. If it were not for Cathy, I would still be walking around leaving a trail of destruction wherever I chose to tread. Good for business as far as the pharmaceutical/counseling field is concerned. I guess we are approaching Bradburian Bliss as I type this (hence the book 'Fahrenheit 451 - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fahrenheit_451 or George Lucas' Thx 1138 - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/THX_1138) .

Anyway, on to my point..

I know when my ex and I were splitting, every son of a bitch that I knew became what my Dad referred to as a 'Lower Deck Lawyer' -( a Navy term - best way to explain it is that most guys on the ship lived below the main decks - hence Lower-Deck - get it?). I got the "..you need to do .." and "....she can't do that..." and "...you deserve...". It got old, very, VERY quickly. So, I just finally turned inward. I did not slag her openly. I did not speak ill of her to friends. I did not speak ill of her to family. When people slag their exes or soon-to-be-exes, I think that it isn't really fair. They were in the relationship too. Like the saying goes: '..it takes two to Tango..' . So, if people want to vent to me about their exes or soon-to-bes, feel free. Get it done. Get it finished. Get them out of your life. Do it. Done. Goodbye. That is it. Don't Flog the Dead Horse.

We were parting ways - that was it.

I believe that there was more to both of us than met the eye. Her life is her own business now. I have not been the best Dad to my daughter, and she knows it. I have this habit of turning inward when I was sad. I am sure that she ( my ex) is happier now. My only real regret is that I should have kept in my daughter's life much, MUCH more than I did. I am hoping that she allows me back into her life. The distance is not a factor as much anymore as I have free long-distance to Canada and the internet is always on.

So, if you are splitting up with your spouse/partner/significant other, is it really wise to turn it into Operation D-Day or Peal Harbor? Of course we all love gossip, but there is a limit. When you are married, you are USUALLY an adult. When you get divorced, you are still an adult. Let's all act like one.


Peace

"..Mom? Can I have 50 cents to go to the store...?" "..Jesus, kid..what am I a bank??"

(Op-Ed - I had a HUGE crush on Carol Brady - I wanted her to be my Mom and then when I grew up, I wanted to marry her - how is that for a Freudian Cliche!?)

I remember when I was about 5 my Mom and Dad decided to call it quits. I think that at that time they had been married for about 16 years. Dad told  me that he got married way too young. Mainly he wanted his 'girlfriend' to come to the UK with him when he volunteered to serve as on Thetis Class Boats in the Royal Navy (submarines, for those of you that do not know what I am talking about)

So, Dad bounced from Mary (my Mom) to Nancy (the Step-Monster). As an adult (who me??) he told me that he wanted a babysitter for his kids as he wanted to advance his military career. It was 1971 and I guess that was the thing to do. He also told me that VERY early in his relationship with the She-Dragon, he knew it was a mistake. (get this - Wedding Night!).

Back in late 1989,  they called it quits. To quote Joe Pesci "..isn't THAT a fuckin' surprise??..". That was a messy divorce, Dad really kept his cool. I respect him for that. Personally, I don't know how I would have reacted if I were in his shoes. I guess he learned how to keep his wits about him. He told me that he is now just happy to "..have her the fuck out of my Goddamn life...:"

So, Dad is on wife number three now. Wonderful gal, I love her lots. Gail is her name. I wonder if I would be as fucked up as I am today if Dad would have married her instead of the Step-Dragon? Anyone have a T.A.R.D.I.S. that can give me a ride back to about 1970? So I can manipulate that? 

So, as the story goes, I didn't really have a Mom growing up. Nancy was quick to spank, punish, demean, ridicule, neglect, make fun of and throw a shoe at me and blackened my eye. Try that shit today - see if you can count how many Government Agencies pay you a visit!

Not looking for sympathy or someone to go "...awww, poor Glen...". I just wanted to say that it took me until about 6 or 7 months ago that I never really had a mother figure. Is this why I am so fucked up? Was I born this way? Apparently , the Step-Monster used to ask me if I was 'retarded' or 'stupid' or '..you father must have picked up the wrong baby at the hospital..' . It was hurtful. I guess it is kind of a clear sign when at 7 your Step-Monster goes into the hospital to have a tumour removed and you hope she dies and doesn't come home. I was actually disappointed when I came home from school one day and saw her on the couch.

So, I guess my point is that those of you that are Moms (or Dads), what you say to your kids and what you do in front of your kids leaves a lasting impression. Cathy had good role models , I did not. I am constantly saying to her "...what should I do..?" "..what should I say..?" when the kids step out of line or get themselves in some kind of shit-house. At 42, I am still fucking clueless as to what I am doing, but there is one saying that we should all remember before saying something to our kids:

"..Do unto others as you wish them to do unto you..."

Anyway, my own Mom, Mary, died peacefully when Mikayla was about a month or two old. Sad, that I can't remember the date. It was late 2002 or early 2003. I guess I am just suppressing it.

Some time in the future, you may be wheelchair ridden, bed ridden and out of your mind with dementia, Alzheimer's or some other brain disease. You will have absolutely no control over what your kids do then.

Karma is a bitch. 

Payback is a bitch.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms. And to my Mom - if they have WiFi in Heaven.

Peace

Glen

"..if the glove don't fit - you must acquit..."

Last week, when I was dropping my kids off at school, usually if I get there early, my son's friends usually gather 'round to tell me about their latest video game conquests or highlights of 'Chowder', 'SpongeBob' or 'Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack' - keep in mind these are 10-11 year olds. So, I am about a year or two older than them in maturity.

One of the young lads, 'A' I will call him, piped up and said:
"..hey, Glen...who was OJ Simpson? Was he a basketball player or sumpin?"

I looked at him and said:

"..oh, you guys weren't even born when that trial was going on...right. Yeah, he was accused of killing his ex-wife and her boyfriend. He also got away with it."

Most of them had a look of shock and awe on their faces

"WOW! That isn't right! How did he get away with it?", one of them said
"Well...", I paused, "...he had a good lawyer and the evidence in the house was tainted. Apparently, the police let reporters and such wander around the house and property, thus contaminating the crime scene. So, his lawyer, a guy by the name of Johnny Cochrane, took that and ran with it. Proved what is called 'reasonable doubt' to the jury. So, he was acquitted."

The questions started to fly. Of course, I was eating the attention by the tons....then I thought, "...maybe not...".

"...hey, guys", I said,"..your best bet is to do an Internet search of this when you get home. You would find out better details. I kind of followed the trial, but not closely. I am sure there is 1000's of resources out there.." They all agreed.

The bell rang, and I walked Jordan and his pals over to line up. There was a teacher out on the schoolyard , whose name I will withhold. This teacher was looking at me and wandered over and said "..Glen...can I speak with you?" (you know what is coming when someone says that).
"Sure", I said.

"..you really shouldn't be talking to these kids about subject matter like that. Not the best thing for them.."
"Well", I said , "..one of them asked me a question, I answered it. It is fact. Public knowledge and an interesting case legally."
"..don't", she said, "..not appropriate."
"Thank you for your input", I said as I walked away from her.

About 30 second later, it occurred to me that this was going to bite me right in the arse. I knew it. This teacher is a big-time shit-disturber with a capital "S". I was waiting for a phone call that day from the Principal - didn't happen. Okay..

Sure enough, next morning, he stopped me in the hall:
"..hey, Glen..."
"here it comes!", I said to him out loud.
"..one of the teachers was upset about some subject matter you were talking about...."
Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda....I shut off out of sheer disgust and anger.
"Okay, Jim...you make a good point...water under the bridge?"
"Sure thing", he said.

Now, I have a good working relationship with this man. I am sure he was just relaying the message. He knows how blunt, bold and brash I can be. He has told me that his mouth has landed him in hot water more than once in his life. He knows I mean well, but he has to make the teachers happy. Last thing he needs is a visit from their Shop Steward. (unions - I have my opinions, but I don't want to make this article into a novel). So, he played the game. Don't blame him - not the first time he has 'brought something to my attention'.

Well, what really fucking pissed me off about this is twofold:

1. Schools = Education - yes, I am not a teacher, but kids look up to adults for knowledge, guidance and advice. The kid asked me a question - I gave him an answer. Not like I described in detail how Nicole Simpson was murdered. I didn't say she was found decapitated. I didn't go into details about how Ron Goldman was stabbed multiple times. Nothing I said was not public knowledge. Bottom Line - I did no wrong.

2. Backstabbing whiny bitch! - she told me she didn't like what I was saying, she told me she thought it was not good subject matter and I said "thank you for your input". Maybe that pissed her off, I don't know. I do know that she is a bit of a pain in the ass. She treats the kids like herds of cattle. Always snapping at them, having a nasty tone, not being very caring. Kind of like my Step-Monster - maybe that is why I had a problem with her in the first place - but Nooooooooo!! She had to run to the Principal and TELL on me!! Ooohh..I was such a bad, bad boy! Couldn't have just left well enough alone. I guess I am a believer in being direct with people, but she felt the need to stick a knife in my back.

So, lesson to be learned here - always, ALWAYS look over both shoulders before you do something. Yes, kids need to be kids, but nothing I hate more than censorship. Yes, there is a time and place for everything, but this is history and part of our culture.

I did no wrong. I have no regrets. That is my story and I am sticking to it.

There, I said it.

My left foot is wet and cold – oh yeah, it's Sunday

Hello all – yesterday my family and I, along with some friends went to Santa's Village in Jefferson NH. It is an amusement park with a Christmas theme, for those of you that have not figured that out yet.

Anyway, we were fortunate enough to have free passes as our friends did as well. So, with the exception of gas, snacks and few trinkets at the park here and there, it was not an expensive trip. My Scottish heritage wouldn't allow me to spend all of that much most of the time anyway.

So, being December and just on the tail of a few snowstorms and then a thaw ( was about 40 -some degrees yesterday) so snow , ice , water and slush all over the park. The kids were smarter than I as they had winter boots on. I had on my half-boot things – look like shoes but waterproof like boots – Duck Boots – leftover cheesy fashion from the 1980's. Needless to say, these things have seen better days so the left one tends to leak after a while. If you have ever had to walk around with a wet foot in the cold and damp, you know how uncomfortable this can be. Serves me right, actually.

So, the story goes – the park was not overly busy, but there were a 'few' people there. Lots of kids, of course. Average age of people in the park was probably in the middle 20's, since most parents were 40 somethings and the kids were mostly 10 and under....

...well...

I was waiting in a very, stressing the word VERY short line to get my kids and I onto the bumper cars. There was a railing separating the line from the outside of the ride. I noticed this woman standing against the half-wall, watching the kids , most likely hers , driving a bumper car. I noticed two things about her: she was tall and very thin, and dressed like she was about 38 going on 'college-student'. She had this look of a sort of 'fuck-you-and-the-horse-you-rode-in-on-and-everyone-that-knows-you' on her face. Not a bad looking girl but just misery written all over her face. Jordan and I were waiting patiently and the ride just ended. She walked past us (she was standing there when we got there, so I assumed that she was waiting to get on the ride) and her daughter came out of the ride and began walking down along the outside of the railing to go and get in line again. This woman reached over the rail and grabbed her arm, the daughter stopped in the puddle and dripping snow-melt . She casually said to her pre-teen daughter “...hey, climb over...here...go again with your..”

I was fucking beside myself!! I could not believe it!! At the risk of sounding like a Monty Python sketch, in my day, my step-monster would have cold-cocked me upside the head, made me climb back over the fence and then apologize to everyone in the fucking park for my rude behavior. Holy Shiite, Batman!

Now, my kids are far from perfect but manners are the most important thing I think any parent should teach their kid. So, now , that girl is going to think that it is okay to cut in front of someone at the mall, movie lineup, school, or where ever. When she is older and driving a car, she will think it is okay to scoop a parking spot from someone at the mall during a really busy time. This could very well cause road rage, or even in extreme cases for someone that is fucking crazy enough and angry enough to pull a gat on her and give her a third eye-socket between the two that she was born with. Then we have an even bigger problem. Murder, weapons charge, cleanup of brain tissue and skull bits, not to mention the funeral that her family has to attend. All because her mom was too Goddamn selfish to have her wait in line for 5 or 10 minutes.

People, I may sound like John F Kennedy or Martin Luther King Jr, but we are on this little globe with the other 3 some billion folks that are sharing it with us. My dad used to have this little saying that I think is from Aesop or Kipling:

“Do unto others as you would wish them to do unto you.”

Peace